Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Annals of Anal: Cutting the Crap

There’s a popular saying among guys that women try anal sex twice: once to see how it is and twice to see if it was really that bad. That’s not quite true, at least not from my experience. The first time my boyfriend tried to bust some moves on my booty, I was caught completely off-guard, yelped in pain and shock and the next day felt like someone had shoved a giant flag pole up my ass and forgotten to take it out. Before that experience the only anal sex encounter I had was from reading a How-To feature in a Cosmopolitan magazine when I was fourteen. I was so disgusted I vowed to always keep my rear end celibate. Yet, after several more (gentle) attempts by my boyfriend to coax me into butt play, claiming it was one of his fantasies, I finally succumbed. I had told him once that I loved him so much I would do anything for him. So I was just keeping my word and being a good girlfriend.
However, later in our relationship when he started finger-fucking my rectum and ended up handling my shit hands on, the anal romance was over, at least for me. He claimed he didn’t care what was up my ass. Well I did, and I started to wonder – what is this obsession with anal sex?
“It’s so tight in there, it’s like fucking a virgin,” said my boyfriend, “and it’s so warm!” Ya, well last time I checked my pussy hole was pretty cozy too.
“It’s just another hole,” said one of my guy friends.
We’re so spoiled these days, since when is one not enough?
I decided to do a little investigative research into this booty play mystery and found that there is a lot of sex literature and advice out there defending fanny fornication and encouraging readers to try out this new “fad”. Apparently the trend is catching on for girls as well – at least one in four women have tried it. Babeland even makes a huge profit with their expansive “Butt Toys” collection from butt plugs to butt beads.
Anal sex started out tempting because it was something almost “forbidden,” and “naughty,” and gives people an overwhelming sense of domination. These incentives aren’t quite surprising – power, curiousity and breaking the rules are core themes of our sexual culture.
However, I found that a lot of the literature on anal sex was trying to glamorize it as if it’s the next best thing since the Rabbit. I say cut the crap - try it first and then tell it how it really is. I mean I’ve never met any girl who voluntarily has spread her butt cheeks and begged, "fuck my asshole!"So that’s what I’m here to tell you – the shitty truth of booty play. No pun intended, of course.

No more “myths”: Some truth in the taboos:

Myth #1:The anus is dirty.
Why this is a “myth” I have no idea. Of course it’s dirty. The only time an ass will ever look appealing is in tight jeans or a lacy thong. Let’s be honest here, there’s nothing sexy about what’s beyond it’s exterior.
Myth #2: Anal sex is painful.
It’s like waxing your legs. The first time it hurts like hell, then after you’ve done it for a year, it’s bearable, but uncomfortable. Or, I could just be unfortunate and other girls may have naturally loose and flexible rectums.
Myth #3: It’s messy.
Of course it’s messy - no matter how clean you can scrub your ass, there’s always some trace of leftovers.

What “experts” are saying makes anal sex comfortable and enjoyable, followed by my own commentary from experience:

1. “Relaxation, lubrication, communication".
This does work, but only if your guy is a saint. Let’s face it, men can’t communicate during sex, they think with their dicks. No matter how many times I repeated “take it slow,” his dick heard “fuck harder.”
2. Clean up. Experts and educators say that if you’re worried about it getting messy, go to the bathroom to clear out your bowels or wear a latex glove with lube on it during anal play.
This advice is so not sexy. Who in their right mind would say in the middle of a hot and heavy session, right when their erect partner is impatiently throbbing to enter, “hold on honey, I need to drop a log and give my ass an extra wipe… “
3. Get to know your butt. Start by feeling around the outside of the hole…
I love my butt, I really do. It’s firm, perky and I have a freckle on my right cheek. But I don’t love it that much.

So there you have it, the naked truth of fanny fucking. However, maybe I'm being a little harsh on anal sex. My eventual succumbing to doing it came from the lust to pleasure my man - but not just any man - someone I truly loved. When it comes to sex and love, pleasure is taken to a whole new level. Sometimes going beyond your comfort level is unbelievably gratifying and orgasmic when you know that you are pleasing someone you genuinely care for.

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